June 2009
1 post
I've been SNUBBED! →
A respected artist made a painting of all the most important Pandas, AND LEFT ME OUT. I just can’t believe this. I’m so angry, I could shred an entire carpet.
May 2009
1 post
April 2009
1 post
February 2009
3 posts
Lame website--nothing to kill →
So, like, for this website, it’s supposed to give you all these different animals to kill (butterflies, birds, gophers-tasty right?). Now, I am really good at killing stuff, so I knew something was off when I kept batting at the screen and couldn’t get any of them. I couldn’t even, like, torture them. So I think that this website is some kind of trick. Or super-strong birds,...
December 2008
1 post
WatchSo here are some more of my mad hunting skills. That crinkly piece of paper had no idea I was coming. I’m just so stealth!
November 2008
2 posts
October 2008
6 posts
A cat who is not as awesome as me →
This is my cousin’s blog. Unfortunately, awesomeness is not inherited. As you can clearly see, he gets himself photographed in the most embarrassing situations and can barely express his thoughts in coherent sentences. It’s sad. But after spending over two years thinking about what awesomeness means to me, and how I truly am a cat-sonification of greatness, I’ve come to realize...
Awesomeness tip #1
Always stretch before blogging. It’s important to keep limber in case you need to pounce on that little arrow that darts around the screen. Omigod I hate that little arrow so much, I just want to kill it so badly. I am determined to get to the other side of the screen. I am so focused, it’s like, just incredible.
I am totally over Amanda
It’s really ridiculous how girls just throw themselves at me, they’re always trying to scratch my hot body. I’ll like bite them and say “stop that, or I’ll swat my tail in your face!” but they just think I’m playing hard to get. But Amanda, this other cat who came to visit my apartment this weekend, was different. Her fur was so soft, just like mine. I...
September 2008
1 post
some other blog that's not as awesome as mine →
There are other Cats out there named Panda (which is my name, it’s such an awesome name I can see why everyone’s changing their name to it) with blogs. But they’re not nearly as awesome as mine. No where does this other Cat discuss hunting, sleeping, hunting, eating, or eating. So boring. Omigod, writing this is making me so hungry—and a little sleepy.
August 2008
2 posts
I know how to express myself in many ways
I think another reason why I’m so awesome is that I can express myself artistically. I had been thinking a lot about how I run around the apartment and how great that is. I wanted to express my tracks, my “flight path” if you will, in a new, minimalist way. By turning my practice ring (the bathtub) into a canvas, and turning my sworn enemy (the Black Strap) into the medium of...
July 2008
8 posts
WatchOh my god, whoever did the camera work should be scratched, it’s so grainy and dark you can barely make out how awesome I am. Yeah, so observe my cool moves against the Spherical Opponent. Tubs are better when there’s no water in them.
I prefer the tub when there's no water falling...
The people I live with are soooo weird. Everyday they take they stand under this hose of water and actually let themselves get wet, like all over their bodies, seriously, like every day they do this. It’s gross. I mean, I don’t mean to be prejudiced, but I’m a lot smarter than they are. I spend lots of time in the tub, and I never let myself get all covered with water. The tub is...
things that do not make you awesome: example #1
Video games are such a waste of time. They do not prepare you for life’s most dangerous obstacles: long pieces of string, small balls of aluminium foil, or those pigeons on the other side of the window. That is why i do not play video games. I have seen people spend entire Saturdays playing these games while string and foil balls sat nearby, completely unattacked. Playing video games does...
Example of awesomeness #1
So I’m going to tell you a little bit about some of the really great things I do. Sometimes, I’ll just be walking around the apartment and then I’ll see some balled up piece of paper and I swat at it and then it makes this crinkly noise. It says, “you don’t hit so hard!.” And I’m like, “yeah, I do!” So I hit it again, and the paper keeps...
I am awesome
I’m really awesome. I’ll be like walking around the apartment and everyone’s like, “Oh, is that Panda, you know he’s seriously awesome.” But, I mean, it’s something I work hard at—my awesomeness. I do a lot of training. I exercise. I eat a lot—one of my goals is to eat even more. I try to jump on the highest things I can find. Most importantly,...
